idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
