Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
