i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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