I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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