I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
