So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
