There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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