The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
