omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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