My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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