Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
