Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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