I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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