i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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