well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
