Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
