I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
