she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think your dad took our porno
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
