pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
