my phone needs a breathalizer
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
