It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
