my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize