i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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