Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize