she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
