we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
