i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
