just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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