What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
