i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
