Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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