how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
