Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
