he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize