I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
