I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
