We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
