Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
