He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
