I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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