dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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