So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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