Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
