You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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