He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
