Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
