Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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