We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
