Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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