I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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