i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize