i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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