you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's shark week go big or go home
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
