This dress was meant to end up on your floor
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
