oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
