why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
