I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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