Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize