At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize