yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think i have two assholes
I am midnight drunk by noon
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
