hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She needs sedatives and a leash
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
