batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
